On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
