look no pants
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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