I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
