You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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