i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Holy sore nipples Batman
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
