so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
did i walk over a car last night?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize