1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i out mim tonsoeep
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
