I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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