The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
