We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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