I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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