he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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