**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
