no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
