Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
