i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
