Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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