i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
