I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
