You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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