i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
