Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
