she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
