the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
