Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He? As in you personified your dick?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
