I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
