my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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