Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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