Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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