Kareoke will never be a sober sport
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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