wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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