I am in a vortex of obligation.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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