you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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