OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
