Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
