We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
that may or may not have been my penis.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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