A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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