you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
