Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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