Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
