We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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