So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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