Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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