That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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