Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
