I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
