I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
