i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
