Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
