Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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