This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
