i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize