they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
