Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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