God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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