i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
