I don't think brook has ever known best
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
