just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
