just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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