I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
