dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize