i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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