How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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