3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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