the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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