I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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