She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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