it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
