The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
