What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
