I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
