OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
