totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize