This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you had me at cake vodka
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
