If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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