our cab driver is having phone sex.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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