yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
