I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
