I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Randomize
