im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
