Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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