I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
