I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
