she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
