would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
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