I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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