I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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