All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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