my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
