We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
