First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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