I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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