Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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