Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
