guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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