You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
