Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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