i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
