yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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